What is wrong with me?

I'm tiered of eating. All I do is eat. Anything over 1000 is upsetting. The other day I was doing well, eating only 575 calories, but then binged on 800 calories worth of Pop Tarts. I was pissed to do that, but couldn't bring myself to throw it up afterward, since it's so hard to with Pop Tarts and soda and I hate throwing up. I'm tiered of this crap. Why can't I do anything right? Why was I born as fat child? Why did I fall ill? What are ways to calm me down before I go stick my fingers down my throat again?